So last night I was watching Mean Girls, having a beer and doing my little sister's art homework. This was probably at about 1:30, and I wasn't in bed because I'm leaving for a semester in Spain tomorrow and I have an eensy bit of anxiety about that. Anyway. You know that part where Tina Fey has to talk to all the girls at the assembly in the gym? And says "You guys have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores, it only makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores"?
Well, our political leaders have to stop calling each other sluts and whores. Somewhere along the line it became acceptable--common, actually--for politicians to use language and rhetoric suggesting that they want to kill each other. Actually, you know what. Not politicians, in the broad sense. It's the right wingers. Maybe I'm not being politically correct, but last time I checked Dennis Kucinich was not exhorting his supporters to "don't retreat, reload."
It's just words, you say? Actually it's not--because when an ordinary citizen publishes an image of crosshairs over another ordinary citizen's name, that's criminal threatening. Apparently when Sarah Palin does it it's advertising. And please don't tell me that it's the same thing as violent lyrics in rap music. This is actually an argument some people are trying to make, that Sarah's hit list and Lil Wayne's lyrics are the same thing. The thing is, folks, is that Lil Wayne is not a.) a quote unquote "respected" political figure or b.) the commander of a vast army of fucktards and racist grandmothers.
No, Mama Grizzly did not pull the trigger. But she must take the lion's share of the blame for for the violent rhetoric that's become the norm. We don't know yet what Loughner's motives or politics were, and we can't blame the Tea party (yet). But I for one do blame Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and their whole gleeful posse of teabaggers for creating a climate in which it's perfectly okay to talk about murdering American political figures. They blatantly capitalize upon the inanity of people too stupid to look up "communist" in the dictionary or correctly spell "public," and act surprised when somebody gets shot. They didn't fire the gun, but they loaded it. These crazies whip up ignorant people into a faux-populist frenzy with words like "socialism" and "death panels," and then tell them all to go buy some guns. That's like giving a two-year-old a couple of Adderall and an espresso and then letting him drive a semi truck. People are going to get hurt.
Sarah. Oh, Sarah. You have your reality show, your designer clothes and your sexy spread in Runner's World. Bristol is even getting a cameo on the Secret Life of the American Teenager, that bastion of right-wing sexual politics masquerading as an after-school special. Isn't that enough? You've achieved the American dream: you've capitalized on being a quitter. Sure, you were a successful pageant queen, but you switched colleges approximately 17 times, brought down any hope McCain had of earning moderate votes, and then quit being governor of a state where your pet project was slaughtering wolves from helicopters. But apparently your cushy speaking engagements and the book deals, which induce hysterical sobbing fits in rejection-ragged writers, are not enough. You are shooting higher. You aren't saying that you're running for president, but you are hinting that you are both a Mama Grizzly and a pink elephant, and I think we all know what that means.
You've created something called Sarah PAC, which is kicking off its fundraising efforts with this video. Inevitably, you're going to quit this too and use the money to buy more Barbie-goes-to-Washington outfits and maybe a new jogging stroller for Tripod and Tripplehorn, but you're going to milk this thing for all it's worth. Here you are giving flowers to little girls! Here you are taking photos with working class citizens of the "real America"--who despite all their bootstrappyness are of course sufficiently clean-cut and white! Here you are blathering about being a grizzly bear!
OK ready?
Video Scorecard Times Sarah says "women" : 6 Hugs: 3 Babies: 4 Black people: 1 Grammatical mistakes on Tea Party signs: 3 Instances where Sarah stares dreamily into soft flattering light: 2
Grizzly bears are defensive, irrational, somewhat dim animals. So are you, Sarah. It's not that I begrudge you the comparison. It's just that suggesting that we want one running the country is kind of insulting, even to people who can't operate quotation marks. See, I don't really want any sort of bear--polar, kodiak, gummi--running my country. I'm pretty okay with the fact that we've got a Harvard law professor in the White House. But then again, I live in fake America, where we want actual smart people running the country. Real America seems to be eating this shit up-- so snaps for you, Sarahcuda.
My real problem is your insinuation that so-called "women's issues" are also Conservative issues. Because you know what I'm a grizzly bear about? Accessible health care, reproductive rights, human rights, conservation, education, gay marriage...and I don't know, not killing everything. In your world it's cool to kill almost anything--wolves, polar bears, illegal immigrants--but if you want a morning after pill you're shit out of luck. In your world, it's fine for your daughter to (almost) marry into a family of meth dealers, but a couple of tax-paying law-abiding citizens, both of whom happen to have penises, can't get married. You envision a world where we all drive to hockey practice in military grade vehicles called things like "Denali" and "Tundra", conveniently named after the places we raped to get the oil to run them. That's not the world I want to live in, Sarah--and as a woman I'd appreciate it if you stopped speaking for me.
So last night I was watching Mean Girls, having a beer and doing my little sister's art homework. This was probably at about 1:30, and I wasn't in bed because I'm leaving for a semester in Spain tomorrow and I have an eensy bit of anxiety about that. Anyway. You know that part where Tina Fey has to talk to all the girls at the assembly in the gym? And says "You guys have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores, it only makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores"?
