Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Deep Questions

Why do guys feel the need to honk at girls walking on the sidewalk? Like, wow you honked the horn of your 1993 Camry at me, let's have sexual relations? No.

Why can UNH jack up our tuition without a peep of protest from anyone? You know that money is going to expand the football fields, right? I mean, nothing against football. Well, not really, I hate football. But unless we're getting new bathrooms in Ham Smith, or one of those vans with the satellite dishes and antennas (antennae?) for The New Hampshire I'm not having any. Or maybe SCAN could get some of those holographic imaginary friends like Wolf Blitzer has.

Why can't people put on some freaking deodorant? Yeah, it's a concert and little stank is expected, but you and
your American Apparel T-shirt reek of B.O. and Zhenka, and you're too drunk to stand up without smearing your hipster grease all over me. The sixties are over. So is grunge. Get it together.

Why does anyone live in the South? If you know me you know this is a dead horse I beat fairly often, but have you seen those pictures of the waves of oil starting to wash up on Gulf beaches? Horrifying. I feel terrible for everyone whose businesses and lives are affected, but it begs the question: why do you live in the South? It's hot, humid, there's snakes, mosquitoes, hurricanes, alligators, racists, NASCAR, the highest obesity rate in the world, grits, Bobby Jindal...I'm just going to stop.

Why, at twenty, can I still not go to a club and dance? I'm not even going to get going on the drinking age, I'm not even talking about ordering a drink. I know I can be kind of a snobby English major/asshole but sometimes you just want to go out with your girlfriends and talk about periods and whether you're more of a Carrie or a Samantha or whatever and dance. No, Lady Gaga, it will in fact NOT BE OKAY because my friends and I aren't 21 and can't JUST DANCE.

Speaking of which, why was Step Up 3D necessary? I don't even have a witty remark here. Everything you need to know is in my dancing.

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