I sat on the couch and watched TV with my brother Jack tonight. He's in sixth grade. Here's some of his deep thoughts.
Twilight commercial: Jacob is so much better. I'm on Team Jacob. Jacob is like...ok, would you rather go out with a bat or a dog? Personally I'd rather go out with a dog. Imagine this--a mugger comes up, Jacob turns into a dog and eats the guy!
Sitcom intro: Aww, he's single. Poor David Spade.
During a Christmas-y car commercial: ...silence...TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY FA LA LA LA...silence
Movie trailer: This has Nicholas Cage in it, so you know it's going to be good...yeah right.
Putting his dinner plate in the dishwasher: Ellen, you're really pushy. You're lucky I'm so generous.
Doing homework involving something called the "five themes of geography" and I told him that's not something anyone needs to know in real life: Yeah, I suspected that. What the hell.
Drinking orange juice mixed with vanilla ice cream out of my Irish Drinking Team beer stein: You know that feeling when you drink orange juice and you get a lot of phlegm in the back of your throat? It's like that but a lot more.
Grabbing my foot and the moccasin on it: I'M GONNA EAT THE BEADS OFF!
And that's Jack.