Lock It Down

Going home for the holidays when you've gotten used to being a college kid can be kind of a culture shock. You're back in town, back in your old bedroom, back in the old rules. I thought coming home for Christmas would get easier--I thought freshman year would be the pinnacle of butting heads with parents about "my roof, my rules" and having awkward run-ins with high school classmates in supermarkets. But yeah, no. It's still weird. Here's some things--and people--you're likely to run into when you're back in the old stomping grounds. Good luck.

The Annual Holiday Booty Lockdown
My friends and I, as juniors, feel qualified to note this sociological phenomenon. A few weeks before winter break, old boyfriends, former hookups and people who just wished they hooked up with you start texting and messaging wondering if you'd be down to "hang out" over break. Girls do this too, but you can set your watch by all the dudes locking down some female company for the long winter. Seriously ladies, watch out for next December 10. Mark my words.

So Good to See You...
You'll definitely see: the kid who disappeared after graduation, the girl(s) who had babies before graduation and the teacher who hated you. If you're a girl, you'll probably run into that girl who was your frenemy all through high school and have to pretend like you give a fuck what's going on in her life (I don't think guys generally buy into that bullshit). You will most definitely run into this girl while you're buying anti-fungal cream, or carrying a bag of dog poop. This is due to the the same rule that guarantees you will see your ex at the video store while you're wearing ragged sweatpants with elastic around the ankles and just trying to goddamn rent Chocolat. Also if you're me you're likely to see your priest while you're out running in a sports bra. That happened.

Parents
There's always some friction when you've gotten used to staying out until one or two in the morning and your parents are in bed by ten-thirty. You're not a high schooler anymore, but the fact is it's still your parents house. And it's weird. It's still home, but you don't exactly live there anymore. So let it be weird. Try not to be a jerk about coming in late, and occasionally get up before noon. Eat some meals at home. Don't be a dick. And seriously assess whether a movie you saw with your friends is something you want to watch with your parents. The Kids Are All Right is not a family movie. Julianne Moore is seriously naked the entire time.